Who wanted to listen to their parents growing up? Not me, that’s for sure!
Now that I’m older though, I can see that my parents taught me many wise lessons about how to manage my money. After all, they had made their fair share of mistakes, and they were insistent that I not repeat them. I believe I’m a better person now because of these lessons.
But, I believe anything in life comes with a balance, and not all of the lessons they taught me were good lessons. In fact, some were just plain wrong (sorry mom and dad – it’s true).
And in a few cases, I may even have the upper hand financially now.
Here are some the bad financial lessons from my parents:
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Don’t sign up for credit cards
I’m not sure if my parents wanted me to stay away from credit cards forever, or just when I was young. In either case, the gist of the situation I got was that credit cards are evil. They were something to stay far, far away from. Don’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.
I half expected that if I got a credit card, I’d grow warts on my face, bunions on my feet, and my hands would fall off due to frostbite. I’d never get a husband then!
Spoiler alert: I have both a credit card and a husband now, plus a wart-free face and clean fingers and feet. 🙂
But, I didn’t get my first credit card until I was 25. This was actually probably a wise move, looking back. I might have been tempted to run up a balance like so many others that I knew if I had one before I was too mature to handle it (although, my maturity now is still debatable…).
But to come out with a blanket statement and say that all credit cards are to be avoided is just plain wrong. They have their place in the world just like everything else. Most people probably should have them. If they can manage them well, that is.
Keep all of your money in savings accounts
This is another one where I’m not sure if my parents meant to teach me this as a lifelong lesson, or just when I was a kid living with them. Certainly, they have retirement investment accounts themselves, but they never discussed this with me.
I was left with the impression that all of your excess money should be parked in a savings account and should stay right there until you need it. If I were to do this, my money would actually lose value over time because the average rate of inflation (3%) is much, much greater than the average interest rate on a savings account (well below 1%).
Finances are not to be talked about openly
Okay, so maybe the above two lessons are a bit unfair because they might not have told me the situations where those things are appropriate. But that brings up another problem. We never even really talked about finances that much.
My parents aren’t the only ones. 66% of parents talk with their kids about budgeting. That means 34% of parents don’t!
Related (affiliate link): Make Your Kid A Money Genius (Even If You’re Not): A Parent’s Guide For Kids 3 To 23
In fact, most of the memories I have of “finances” growing up was my dad sitting at the kitchen table once a week with a stack of bills and the checkbook, late into the night. There was much grumbling and unpleasantness when that happened, and we all knew to steer clear of him while he was paying bills.
I never once remember hearing my parents talk about their money management process. All I was left with growing up was bits and pieces of the picture. That’s probably one of the reasons why I made such piss-poor money decisions when I finally did make it out on my own.
Related post: Come To The Dark Side: How To Get Your S.O. On Board With Managing Finances
Money can’t buy happiness
We never had a lot of money growing up. When times were tight, my mom would usually just sigh and say, “You know, money can’t buy happiness.”
This is true, but it sure makes being broke suck a lot less.
I’ve also heard some people say that money only magnifies who you already are. If you’re a miserable person and you have a lot of money, you’ll only be a rich miserable person. If you’re Jason Momoa and you have a lot of money, then you’re a rich Jason Momoa (whew! Time to calm down now…)
I find some truth to that argument. That’s why I try to make a point of finding the good in whatever situation I’m in, no matter how crappy. I even keep a gratitude journal every day. You can’t be too biased, though; I also write down something I hated that day just to be fair.
Go to college and you’ll get a good-paying job
Contrary to popular belief, a diploma is NOT a ticket to a well-paying job. Photo courtesy of Andrew Malone.
Oh boy, where to start with this one…
My mother never finished college. She didn’t have a great set of marketable skills, and as a result, she hasn’t worked in the most fun jobs ever. She worked for most of her adult life as a central processing technician in a hospital. It was her job to clean up all the used medical instruments and sterilize them in giant autoclaves.
I remember her coming home late at night, when I was a little girl. She’d say to me, “Lindsay, when you’re old enough, go to college, and you’ll get a good job.” So I did.
Starting in 2005, I went to get not one – but two degrees in college. I graduated a little over a year ago, and so far the only job I’ve had is as an technician in an animal facility. Don’t get me wrong; it’s an important job. But it’s not a job that I spent 10 years of my life, $55,000, and all the lifetime hopes and dreams of me and my mother trying to get.
Thankfully, this won’t last forever, and someday (hopefully soon) in the future I’ll find a decent, well-paying job. But the situation I’m in now isn’t what I was told would happen. I was told that if I got a good degree, I’d find a well-paying, fun job as soon as I got out of school.
I wasn’t told that I might have to put a year or more of my very finite lifespan on hold waiting to find that job.
Update: Since writing this post I’ve found a temporary position in my industry. When that ended, I switched to being a full-time freelance writer. Now I’m waiting for a position to open back up and hopefully I’ll get my foot back in the door again!
Related post: Why Millennials Need To Rethink Career Plans Amid A Changing Employment Landscape
Don’t Listen To Everything Your Parents Say
I’ve learned a lot since moving out on my own. It’s OK to not make your bed. Ice cream before dinner is sometimes acceptable. Also, you need to balance said ice cream with an equal amount of calorie-burning exercise to avoid becoming fat.
I’ve also learned that not everything your parents teach you is right. Sometimes it’s OK to learn things on your own though. My dad’s preferred method of teaching was the threatening lecture, which I understandably didn’t respond to.
That’s OK. I fell flat on my face with many of my financial decisions later. What I learned from all this is to pick myself back up again. Not only that; these stumbles taught me I never wanted to repeat the process again. The only way to do that was to learn how to be better for next time.
I’m not sure if I would have fully gotten these lessons if I had just accepted right out of the gate. And for that, at least, I’m very grateful to my parents.
What are some of the bad financial lessons from your parents? Did you take the opportunity to learn to be better next time? Leave a comment below!
I just read your comments about how we introduced you to manage money, and from the sounds of it, we didn’t hit the mark on some points, while on others, we did. Your dad and I were only teaching you what we learned from our parents, and along the way. Your grandma and grandpa on my side, while I was growing up never discussed where their money came from in detail, or what they were working on to purchase items either for the farm, or the house. I guess, thru time, parents don’t share everything about how they manage money, because sometimes, they don’t need to know at the time. Your dad and I managed to save enough to purchase a CD at one time, so all of our money was solely in savings, for emergencies. I really like this blog so far. It will be helpful to others as well.
Absolutely – we all make mistakes, and my point with the whole blog is that I’m certainly no exception myself! 🙂 If I’ve ever learned anything in my life though, it’s that mistakes aren’t what define you, and they’re not necessarily a bad thing – what is important is that after you fall down, you get back up, dust yourself off, and learn from your mistake so you can do it better in the future. And, if by learning from mistakes you become a better person in the process, then lots and lots of mistakes might even be a good thing (as long as they’re not too detrimental and you don’t repeat them)!
1. I think your parents were right to shield you from the danger of potentially racking up a ton of credit card debt. Most of us were dumb at 18, after all. My parents didn’t dissuade me necessarily from opening a credit card but my mom treated me having a credit card like a teen having sex. She implied that if I didn’t pay the entire balance every month, I would get chlamydia and die. If I had sex, I would get chlamydia and die.
However, had I not got my first card at 19, I wouldn’t have a very high credit score now. That first credit card I opened is my oldest account and the one that more or less established my credit history. Already my credit gets dinged for not having enough history but if I had waited until 25 like you, I’d only have two years with a credit card as I am now 27. (I find that all to be dumb, really. How can you penalize someone for not having a full 10+ year credit history when they’re not old enough to have a 10-year credit history?)
5. I hear you. A college education is supposed to be our gateway to awesome careers. Why is it that that only works out for a select few?
I agree re: parents and credit cards. And I love your analogy! It’s spot on for my parents too. 🙂 Overall, I’m glad they told me that it was a bad idea, I just wish the would have told me it was a bad idea THEN and that if I waited until I could handle things better, then it wouldn’t be so bad.
On the other hand, I think that maybe I made up for the spending I would have done on a credit card with the private student loans my parents organized for me, so I guess it all balances out? :/
When I was growing up, my mom would spend pretty frivolously – think the random Target shopping trips with hundreds of dollars of stuff. Or trips to the malls for new clothes. She would always get a good deal on stuff (“think of all I saved because it was on sale”) but it was just stuff. A lot that she didn’t necessarily need just wanted.
Overall, I think my parents set me up with a pretty good financial education but some of mom’s spending habits definitely wore off on me. I’m so much better about it now but every once in awhile, I’ll still revert and go on one of those big Target shopping trips.
Yes! I would add this one to the list too but it’d break the magic number of 5. 🙂
But seriously – my mom would take me out for recreational shopping trips ALL the time. It took me a while to break those habits. Now I just go shopping if I need something, not for funsies. My bank account is sure way happier now!